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live from the gluck theater at wvu: at a moment's notice

by stephanie barbian

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1.
beautiful crazy girl seems too fragile for this earth beautiful crazy boy been busted up since birth tough as nails she tears apart her mind torn up sails he's always right behind should've been perfect should've been beautiful as they should've been lovely should've been didn't turn out that way take another breath, dive back in come up for air face a blank stare stand on the sides criticize shall we do the dance again? beautiful crazy girl always running for her lives beautiful crazy boy always sharpening his knives grasping and holding on doesn't matter right or wrong grasping and holding on always must stay strong could've been perfect could've been beautiful as they could've been lovely could've been didn't turn out that way take another breath, dive back in come up for air face a blank stare stand on the sides criticize shall we do the dance again? beautiful crazy girl wondering where she is beautiful crazy boy claiming what's not his
2.
my front door reflects the world as it goes by it does not see me and that's just fine, i like to hide in the place across from grace across from grace across the road my soul reflects the world around me i must be watchful of what i hear and what i see when i get home, my front door reflects to me what i've reflected to the world mark my skin, smoke me up zhongguofan, jasmine tea in a cup down the road, across from grace across the road my front door reflects my tears it's just been days, feels like years the inconvenience of reality is how convenient it is to hurt the weird ones like me my front door reflects the haze that's surrounding me these crazy days and my front door reflects my smile i like to wear it, it suits my style (yeah yeah) mark my skin, smoke me up zhongguofan, jasmine tea in a cup down the road, across from grace across the road my front door was supposed to open wide to the dream in which our world finally came to life but darkness turned the tide, now i have to fight just to open up the door, just to go inside there's no reflection without the light i don't need wrong to see what's right you are my sunshine without the burn my front door and i await your sunshining return
3.
poo-flinging 03:05
i was diagnosed with a high i.q. doc thinks i'd be happier if i were stupider you know, stupid like you but i've been watching and i wonder if it's true you don't seem very happy doing the stupid things you do stupid, violent, psychotic poo-flinging monkey stupid, violent, psychotic poo-flinging monkey there's another aspect to the diagnosis you suffer from a deeply rooted, dangerous and dark psychosis even from a distance it's impossible not to notice yet somehow you're the only person in the whole wide world who doesn't know this stupid, violent, psychotic poo-flinging monkey stupid, violent, psychotic poo-flinging monkey how do you strut with that big gut? everything you say smells like butt every day you dig a deeper rut oh well, tut tut you'd be laughable, pitiable if you were not so mean suggesting that you have a conscience is ridiculous and a bit obscene contrivance is your only talent you melodrama queen crashing all around dressed in greed and envy green stupid, violent, psychotic poo-flinging monkey stupid, violent, psychotic poo-flinging monkey how do you strut with that big gut? everything you say smells like butt every day you dig a deeper rut oh well, tut tut i believe i've wasted all i'm going to waste on you besides i doubt a single word of this has gotten thru so you go on and do all those stupid things you do while i apologize to every monkey in the zoo stupid, violent, psychotic poo-flinging human stupid, violent, psychotic poo-flinging human you
4.
catch me 02:31
so let me get this straight after all we've been through now you're gonna say we're better off as friends i see so it's come to this well i want you in my life so i'll play it by your rule but i must confess i'm a bit afraid of being played for a fool you made me happy yeah you made me smile you made me laugh at least you did for a little while and then we started heading down a road we both knew we should not go down and in the middle of the darkest night i turned around you were gone okay, now that you've broken my heart 4,5,6,7,8,9 times i finally see oh yeah, you really love me so i'll wait here, just a friend for this foolishness to end no, i'm running ahead catch me catch me, if you can
5.
all my friends are telling me i'm in love with you and i think they're right and now i don't know what to do i'm feeling things for you i've never felt for anyone and now i'm fighting flight and trying hard not to quit and run i'm lying here, frightened you might reach for me but i don't leave 'cause here is where i want to be inside i'm all turmoil but i lie here still as death and i watch you sleep and feel your breath i am so frightened, see i've never been scared except for my thoughts of you, everything is hazy i'm getting all confused, like i'm going crazy it's not my style to lose control maybe i should run, before you own my soul i am so frightened everything is telling me this is love i feel and if it is, that means the risk is real i've never been afraid, i always take the dare but this is different, this time i'm scared inside i'm all turmoil but i lie here still as death and i watch you sleep and feel your breath and i watch you sleep and i watch you sleep
6.
he likes me because i'm crazy yeah, i am totally insane i say and do mostly - only - odd things that no one else can quite explain let's be clear now, i'm not stupid nor am i foolish, nor am i inane and it's common knowledge that brilliant people tend to prefer crazy to the plain he likes me because i'm crazy yeah, i know, i know that's why he does the more i'm crazy, the more he likes me at the rate i'm going, he'll soon be in love he's amused by the way that i'll start dancing and it doesn't matter where we are takes years off of his life, but he finds it thrilling the way that i will goof off in the car keeps him sleepless but he's fascinated by my nightmares - they're bizarre and he follows all my crazy daydreams 'cause he says the crazy ones go far he likes me because i'm crazy yeah, i know, i know that's why he does the more i'm crazy, the more he likes me at the rate i'm going, he'll soon be in love i watch commercials upside down i pretend that i have an accent so i can pretend i'm out of town it makes me sneeze for hours but i always stop and smell all the flowers and sometimes i see sound he likes me because i'm crazy yeah, that's why he does the more i'm crazy, the more he likes me at the rate i'm going, he's in love he holds me when i have terrors like the heads that float in the fountain and scream and he calms me with quiet wisdom gives to me a better waking dream and he loves me, strong and tender, with a feeling that flows from him like a stream and he stands by ready steady as i step up on my crazy high beam he loves me because i'm crazy yeah, everybody knows that's why he does the more he loves me, the more i'm crazy at the rate we're going, we'll soon both be crazy in love yeah at the rate it's going
7.
i caught you checking me out so i called you on it and you said yeah but that's not what you're all about oh really while you think i'm very sexy you can see there's much more to me you can tell i'm smart with a quick wit i'm beautiful but that's not it so you ask me out to dinner and i can tell you think you're in there focused blindly like a fool on his mission but i've got my own question do you think i was born yesterday? do you believe that flattery will help you get your way? i think i can tell you now there's nothing you can do no matter how much wine i drink i will never be drunk enough to sleep with you over dinner your conversation starts to highlight your frustration it's an awkward situation to say the least you want to talk about sex and lust and you keep staring at my chest i'd rather talk to your best friend who's apologizing for butting in and i'm glad when he pulls up a chair because, unlike yours, i don't mind his stare i think he's much more interesting and i can tell he's already wondering do you think i was born yesterday? do you believe that i believe a single thing you say? i think he can tell you now there's nothing you can do no matter how much wine i drink i will never be drunk enough to sleep with you now the time has come to go 'cause your desperation is starting to show you keep asking, i keep saying no no i thought by now you'd've given up hoping but instead you're desperately groping i think that i've been perfectly clear why do you refuse to hear? oh i know my speech is slurred but i've still meant every single word you wouldn't stand a chance if you're the last man alive call me a cab if i'm too drunk to drive do you think i was born yesterday, huh punk? do you believe that you're the first guy to try to play me this way? i think even you should know by now there's nothing you can do no matter how much wine i have had to drink i'm still not drunk enough to sleep with you i'll never be drunk enough to sleep with you i can't find my car and i lost my keys i just fell down and skinned my knees but i am still not drunk enough to sleep with you you better back off i've had enough if you don't stop i'll get that cop 'cause i will never be drunk enough to sleep with you
8.
you wake up in the morning focus your eyes upon the clock wonder if you remembered to take your keys out of the lock you want to call in sick for the rest of your life you know, just quit but you go on, get up and move to the edge of your bed where you just sit you smell like cigarettes and you think "alcohol hurts" then you stumble to your closet and you look through your shirts jump into the shower scrub your body, wash your hair walk around in your towel for an hour now you're late and you don't care the pain in your eyes tells more than your age it tells of your struggles, and the sorrow and the rage when no one can guess, you are always surprised 'cause you feel what they see, that pain in your eyes you make it okay to work all day you'll fake normal stifle yourself, most of the time, when you want to scream "my god! this is pitiful!" you find yourself watching the clock another wasted nine to five but hey, it pays the bills and buys the stuff that keeps you alive you make it through to the end of another meaningless work day console yourself you haven't sold out it's just another price you pay fight your way through traffic it's good to see your own front door there's a peace there, but not the one you want what are you waiting for? the pain in your eyes tells more than your age it tells of your struggles, and the sorrow and the rage when no one can guess, you are always surprised 'cause they see what you feel, that pain in your eyes you check your messages yeah you've got lots of friends the parties and the planning my god, the fun it never ends you know you're loved and wanted so why are you so sad? you remember when life was easy - and lonely this is not so bad you've thrown off your clothes you grab the jeans from the floor the shirt from the chair return a couple of calls brush your teeth and brush your hair you've got your phone, your money your id and your keys turn off the lights and walk out the door with the smile everyone sees but the pain in your eyes tells more than your age it tells of your struggles, all the sorrow, all the rage when no one can guess, you are always surprised 'cause they feel like you feel with that pain in your eyes
9.
i can pretend i didn't stick my big foot in my fat mouth and i can pretend you don't think i'm some poor girl from the loquacious south and i can pretend that you'll say hi if i walk by yeah, i can pretend one of these days i fully intend to learn a lot from my mistakes but i've got this theory that taking lots of risks is exactly what really living takes still i know i'm not the only one who wishes i didn't have to spend so much time and energy proving just how well i can pretend i didn't stick my big foot in my fat mouth and i can pretend i didn't flap my jaw and let all those words spill out just like my drink all those crazy thoughts i think poured out in a puddle in the middle of the table good thing that i am so completely able and willing to pretend good thing for me, i guess, that you're so nice then again if you weren't, i wouldn't think twice something i should learn to do before i speak instead of after the fact and later on in the week by that time i'm busy trying to rationalize and defend relying heavily upon the fact that i can pretend i didn't stick my big foot in my fat mouth and i can pretend that i didn't boast real hard and then express my doubt and i can pretend that i was calm and cool not some babbling fool yeah, i can pretend
10.
the rain 02:55
the rain beats down upon my neck and i like it, so what the heck i'll just go lie down in that green green field and listen for the thunder peals the lightning it reminds me of the way we used to be the way you loved me we could light up the sky when i think about it, my my the rain pours gently on my head and the grass it makes the sweetest bed it's reassuring me, this green green field and comforting are the thunder peals the trees in the distance look so strong and serene and the air it smells so sweet and clean here in this place i can find the peace for tomorrow 'cause here there's even sweetness in sorrow the rain falls softly on my face i swear that i could spend forever in this place it's so restful in this wide open field with the lullaby of the thunder peals the road is wet and shining now i do believe i'm finally finding how to be thankful for each rainy day as i go calmly on my way the rain trickles slowly down my back and my footsteps leave the slightest track how i love that green green field with the echo of the thunder peales the rain the rain
11.
when are you gonna come down from the clouds? we believe you've spent enough time out in the crowds we've been waiting patiently waiting just for you to see we won't bite this time we promise we won't bite this time we promise to mind our manners we promise we won't bite this time we are all just fascinated by you and we adore all of those crazy things you do but we believe you need another rule and we made you a schedule and we won't bite this time we promise we won't bite this time we promise to mind our manners we promise we won't bite this time you do so many fantastic things and there's your smile and oh-o the joy it brings but don't take that all to heart 'cause that's where the trouble starts we promise we won't bite this time we promise we won't bite this time we promise to mind our manners we promise we won't bite this time we won't bite this time we promise we won't bite this time we promise to mind our manners we promise we won't bite this time
12.
i run and i hide can't let you see what's going on inside they say good things come to those who wait that's why i'm scared, because i hesitate i feel silly, standing at your front door rehearsing what i was gonna say i came here for i see my hand as it pushes the buzzer i hear you call "i'm coming!" as you come to answer so i run and i hide can't let you see what's going on inside they say good things come to those who wait that's why i'm scared, because i hesitate don't take away my imaginary world 'cause that's where i live like a footloose and fanciful girl no, no, don't don't show me the woman that i am, she is jaded ah, look now, see what you've done! my imaginary world is faded i feel like the girl, the girl from high school no, that's not right, 'cause back then i was more than cool something about you leaves me feeling insecure it's all that emotion, god it's pure so i've got to run, i've got to hide you're getting to me deep down inside they say good things come to those who wait that's why i'm scared, because i hesitate don't take away my imaginary world 'cause that's where i live like a footloose and fanciful girl no, no don't don't show me the woman that i am, she is jaded ah, look now, see what you've done! my imaginary world is faded i'm still gonna run, i've still got to hide you've got to want me deep down inside if you think i'm worth it, well, you won't mind to wait til i'm not scared just 'cause i hesitate don't take away my imaginary world 'cause that's where i live like a footloose and fanciful girl no, no, no don't don't show me the woman that i am, she is jaded ah, look now, see what you've done! my imaginary world is faded it's faded it's faded
13.
lost me 02:46
i lost me after you found me i got lost, all caught up in you i started to look around me and thought "i'm not the best he can do" i started changing to try to suit you and i became somebody else i could not believe that it could be true you could want me just for myself you nearly broke me with good bye i cried when we came to an end that's when i told you a big lie and said i could still be your friend i lost you because i lost me i'm sorry for all i haven't done i look at all it cost me i lost you, a chance, another one although i'm still hurting from good bye i'm glad that we came to an end i'm sure that sounds strange but i'll explain why when i lost me i lost my best friend i found me after i lost you i was dancing by the point in a window pane i'm sorry for all it cost you but i'm not gonna lose me again if you ever need to find me i'll be hanging out as myself with all others placed behind me i'm not gonna be anyone else i'm just myself nobody else i finally found me so that's who i'll be

about

recorded for morgantown sound, a weekly feature of different local artists on wvu's radio station, u92.
i walked into the station manager's office around 1:30 to see about performing some time and he asked "can you play tonight?" i said "sure" went to my 2:30 geology class, got home around 3:45, got my keyboard together, was back at the station/theater at 6, and started playing at 7. the audience was made up of 4 and then 7 students from the station, there to crew or with production. it was fun.
so this is what i sound like live, at a moment's notice.

credits

released December 5, 2011

john casey recorded, edited and engineered it all.
lena huynh suggested i do morgantown sound and reminded me until i did it.
ric set it up in a format accepted by bandcamp's system.
stephanie barbian (that's me) wrote the lyrics, the music, played the piano and sang it.

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about

stephanie barbian Morgantown, West Virginia

classically trained in piano and voice. considered a wordsmith by some and a smartass by most. originally from st. louis mo, moved around midwest, appalachia and southeast. love music and texture. piano is my best friend. really personal? i'm a preacher's daughter, i like to work on my own car, my dream job would be snl cast member/writer and i love dressing in psuedo-costumes. ... more

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